Murphy’s law, by EgoVolo — Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0

America’s Timeline According to Murphy’s Law

The US is about to demonstrate, once again, that anything that can go wrong will go wrong

February 2021

Zip-tie guy Larry Rendall Brock Jr. had already been released by a sympathetic judge in January owing to his “long and distinguished military career.” Similarly, Jacob Fracker, a corporal in the Virginia National Guard, and another police officer had also been released on unsecured, $15,000 bonds.

Following these precedents, most of the Capitol storming terrorists were released in February 2021 due to their military or law enforcement service, their good behaviour, and the fact that their epidermis contains just about the right amount of melanin.

March 2021

GOP Senators and Representatives publicly attack President Joe Biden for his dismal handling of the Coronavirus pandemic that has already killed over 500,000 Americans. The failure to vaccinate the population at the required pace is “a shame, in light of the blazing success of President Trump’s Operation Warpspeed,” stated Lindsey Graham.

In March, investigations by Congressional commissions into the potential ties between Congress members and the so-called Capitol protesters yield no conclusive evidence. For unity’s sake, the commissions are dissolved. Lauren Boebert takes to Gab to request a formal apology from the Democratic leadership.

June 2021

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell blames the Democrats for the ever-increasing US debt and the large financial burden that Biden’s $1.9 trillion plan puts on future generations. “We must aim for fiscal and financial responsibility, and the current spending of the Democratic administration is all but certain to hurt Americans and their small companies,” argued Senator Cruz on the floor.

September 2021

Following Trump’s pardon spree of January 19 and 20 — two days during which the outgoing president had pardoned over 600 people including his entire family, himself, his unborn grandchildren, El Chapo, Jack the Ripper, and Gaston from The Beauty and the Beast, the radical-left Democrats had initiated an unjust legal challenge in front of the Supreme Court destined to overturn what they portrayed as a “blatant abuse of the presidential power to pardon.”

In a 6–3 decision, the majority opinion written by Justice Conney-Barrett, the SCOTUS ruled that the pardons were legal and would stand, arguing that when the Constitution stated that pardons could not be granted “in case of Impeachment,” the founders’ intention was clearly to say “could not be granted during the impeachment debates on the House floor.” These debates having been closed for over 8 months, the Court easily ruled in favour of President Trump against the witch-hunting Democrats.

Moreover, President Trump’s ability to pardon himself was also ruled constitutional insofar as his pardon was “granted to the office of the presidency, which he happened to be occupying at the time of the pardon.” In the wake of these glorious judicial victories, Rep. Mo Brooks called for Labor Day to be renamed “Victory Over Fascist Antifa Day”, or VOFAD. The motion will be argued momentarily.

January 2022

Having fairly and patriotically refused to agree on the horrendous budget proposed by the Biden usurper administration, Senate Republicans proudly bring about another government lockdown to celebrate the end of the pandemic.

The budget proposed a reduction in defence and an increase in healthcare, education, and environmental spending. “How can America ever be Great Again if we don’t support our troops, praise the Lord, and pass the ammunition,” erupted Senator Hawley on Senate Floor.

After weeks of bickering and furlough, caused by the vicious fascist radical-left Demypocrats, the situation was finally resolved. Choosing unity and opting to “cross the aisle,” Senate Majority Leader Schumer agreed to a defence-heavy budget that would “reflect the true priorities of the Great American People.”

April 2022

The Patriotic Republicans (as they are now called) criticise the Usurper for his failure to enact Medicare for All and let millions of Americans suffer from an unjust and unfair healthcare system.

“It’s time for Medicare for All Whites,” told House Minority Leader Boebert to the New New York Times, a recently created OANN-sponsored newspaper, in a first-page article featuring an interview, several nudes, and an organic ad for the NRA.

September 2022

As the mid-terms approach, the Patriotic Republicans, rightly fearing fraud and corruption, take to the media to defend their constituents against yet another attack by dirty-Dems on the country's electoral system.

“Elections were stolen from us in ’08, ’12, ’16, ’18, ’20; we must stop the steal in 2022. The buck starts there,” said Rep. Gosar, the newly appointed Harvard Law School dean.

November 2022

Following months of election tampering by the dirty-Ds, Crooked Joe, Dirty Nancy and Schmuck Chuck, the Great party of the Patriotic Republicans retakes, against all odds and all crimes, the House and the Senate on November 8.

Lindsey Graham proposes that this day henceforth be referred to as “Justice for Lord Trump”-Day. For unity’s sake, he is given a righteous bi-partisan standing ovation.

January 3, 2023

Impeachment proceedings begin against Usurping-Joe for “being not a patriot,” and “conspiracy to eat children as part of an organised satanic cult.”

To be continued…

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